I think a lot. A lot! No, I don’t think you really understand. I am constantly thinking. This is why mediation is so important for me. And sleep. Because during those times I calm my mind and I take a rest from all my thinking!
The other day at church a lady came up to me and said she remembered me from college as “an artist”. I have to say as I let this sink in I have thought to myself. Wow, I AM an artist! For so long I have thought of myself as a nothing. And I have mistakenly put my value in what I do, rather than because I exist and am truly adopted into God’s family by faith in Christ.
I see from a human perspective that I like to be valued for being a creator. I want to be valued for what I value. I value the arts and being creative.
There are so many things that I must do in life that I do not really like. For example: cooking. I do not like cooking. I would rather be painting, writing, or even cleaning the toliets than cooking. I guess I am quite stubborn. All these tasks are like a wise man once said, “a jumping through the hoops.”
I thought that one day once I was rich or famous or just rich maybe that I would move up the ranks (hahahaha) and would not need to be bothered with these seemingly meanless tasks. I am still in the process of rethinking this so be patient with me. 🙂
One of my greatest problems is glory seeking. And life in the real world today gives you the impression that unless you are notorious you don’t seem to exist. I exist. I really do. I guess I am a bit ashamed of my attention seeking behaviors. But on this journey I vow to be kind to myself because God loves me! And Jesus still loved his “seeking to be the greatest” disciples! Truth. Word.