God is doing a work in me. He is my Friend. He is not mad at me. I grew up with this bitter, angry, critical voice inside my head. I am amazed at how I am starting to heal. I thought that all the help He would provide me would be from the church. I had this narrow view through no fault of my own, of how I thought things should be.
I had to let some things go. I had to learn that everyone isn’t perfect, which you may find funny, but as well as thinking too lowly of myself, I thought too highly of people. I put them on a pedestal. And not just famous people mind you, everyday people, but most especially people in authority!
We need to have a realistic view of life and people because otherwise we get extremely disappointed and disillusioned. But disillusionment is not bad! It is a good thing because then we can see clearly!
What I saw was that I was following people so much and idolizing them. I do not judge myself for this. Self-judgement is very harmful! It does nothing but make you feel bad. It is much more helpful to be kind and patient with yourself as you would a small child. You are very sensitive and that is not a bad thing either!
The trouble comes when we deny our feelings and don’t deal with them properly. My puzzling dichotomy is there seemed to be the “church” way of handling emotional problems and then the “mental health” way of dealing with them. They weren’t jiving, although I firmly believe that God is the author of the psyche. And that psychology is true and the Bible backs this up. I love psychology!