Abuse In The Church…and the road back to faith.

Abuse can happen anywhere but you certainly don’t expect it to happen at church. But it does. And seems more often than not these days it doesn’t get dealt with properly. It’s sad. But the good news is that God sees, He knows.

I was abused within a church group. It makes sense now why I am a little less trusting.

I didn’t know who I was. I wanted to please everyone especially God. I hated to have people mad at me. I didn’t have strong boundaries.

I would very much like to talk about teaching young women to be assertive within the church.  The way I was groomed opened me up to be abused. I was a good little co-dependent!

I am saddened the fight seems to be alone for young women. We see a male in authority and think we can not question him. This is wrong.

We don’t want to be branded rebellious or unsubmissive as it seems the kiss of death in Christian circles. But don’t get me wrong there are good people in the world and in the church.  I just haven’t run into a lot of them.

I have decided to break away and think for myself. I won’t put myself under people who seek to mistreat me any longer. I hope you don’t either!

God wants everyone to have freedom and not live in fear. I pray for more humility in church leadership. I pray women will be protected someday and not abused!

If I could teach younger girls within the church, I would teach them not to idolize the Pastor or any leader.  I would teach them never to put them on a pedestal like I did.  And to take what they say with a grain of salt and THINK FOR YOURSELF. You can read your bible and pray and think for yourself.  You don’t need to have someone interpret it for you.  God’s Word should speak for itself.  God should speak for Himself.

And I would tell them you don’t have to follow the crowd in your church.  You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing even if it is good.  Listen to your heart and follow the Holy Spirit.

I regret some of my wasted years, but I trust God will redeem them. I feel they were stolen from me because of the lies I believed.  And here is the top lie I believed: “I must do everything I am told. I can’t say no especially to church authorities.”  Now, I know differently.  Although, I think I am still branded as a rebel.

I am not advocating rebellion.  I advocate freedom. And not asking permission from the church before I do every little thing.  I once went for prayer and I was told I could not volunteer as it wouldn’t be good for me.  I was mad!  But like an obedient little codependent I listened because I thought if I didn’t do what I was told God would be mad at me!

I can’t believe I believed that.  But now I know I can’t blame the church.  I am definately not happy with the experience I had, but I push forward. I move on.

And I’m not asking for permission anymore.  I think going to people can be dangerous.  For me it was putting them in the place of God and they seemed happy to be in that place.  I have no idea why.  But that is between them and God.

I am still growing and have issues! But I encourgage you to do good. Do all the good you can. Your life is your life and only you know what is best for you and what will fit into your schedule. God trusts you more than you think.

I use to chastise myself for my dreams and desires as bad and evil and sinful. I am not doing that anymore.  I am just going to be myself.  God loves me. God has forgiven me. And I don’t need to sit around anymore! I am “allowed” to doing things.  I don’t need to ask permission.


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