I have come to embrace my own unique moodiness. I am a deep thinker, creative, and artist. Rather than getting down on myself which is another form of moodiness I have recently decided to embrace myself and all my moods.
I am not nor will I ever be emotionally perfect. I have good moods and I have bad moods. I am happy. I am sad. I am very sad. I am depressed. But something magical happens to me when I create! I get really really happy.
It’s like a high. It’s like taking a drug. Creating for me is one of the times I find I lose myself. I get completely and utterly immersed in the process I lose track of time. I get sucked in. I am in state of pure bliss. Heavenly Bliss.
Today was one such day when I casually decided to get back to my new silkscreen project hobby. I made some graphic designs for tshirts and printed a few.
I was so proud of my creative achievement! I had to share it with the world. This is not ground breaking. It’s just me being myself. It’s just me expressing myself through art, through words, through graphics.
Now part of me says, “I wish I could get paid for doing what I love!” But I have come to the conclusion that the pressure of money exchange would kill the bliss. And the art would die.
The whole point of art is to express something deep inside and have fun. Money is nice. Don’t get me wrong. I like money. But I would rather be happy than have it. Hence the term: starving artists. (But I am definitely not starving if you have seen a recent photo of me.)
Art is subjective. But I think great art is not about achieving perfection. Perfection kills it. There is something so beautiful about a picture colored by a child. It is precious. It is pure. Is it perfect in proportions? No. It’s more like a Picasso.
When I try to be perfect, I fail. When I try to say something profound, I don’t. Why? Because I am thinking about it! My ego gets in the way. When my ego gets in the way I create junk. It becomes about me not the message that seeks to flow through me to bless other people.
Losing yourself in something is the best way to live. I am still learning this process. I am seeking to practice this. There are callings we each have that are so much greater than ourselves and when we aren’t even looking they find us! How wonderful!
I would rather be an unknowing vessel for beauty because ego won’t stand in my way! The ego aka: pride is such a road block. And the law of the opposites seem to always be working. If I admit this ego / pride of mine I am humble. And humble vessels seems to have glorious adventures! I want to go on an adventure! Don’t you?
But I digress.