I am on a personal journey. It has lead me to places where I never thought I would go. I grew up with serious self-doubting problems. I could not trust myself. The irony, I am not sure this is the appropriate word, is that those around me in my circle confirmed to me that I should never trust myself, because then I was not trusting God.
I am seeking the truth. I am seeking to know God for myself. And what I am feeling inside, the inner voice, is leading me to believe that I know where I am going. Logically, I don’t, but intuitively somehow I believe I do.
Now, this doesn’t seem to make sense with how I was raised so I am quite puzzled by all of this. But I think that I should trust my inner voice.
I love to create! This is what my soul seems to cry out to do. But most of the people I have been around often tell me to grow up and get a real job. They tell me I am unrealistic. Sometimes I believe them and when I do, something inside of me dies.
It is hope. Hope dies inside. I think to myself, why do I have all this in me that wants to come out only to have the world tell me to go to “The Office.” I am an artist I cry! My cries seem to fall on deaf ears.
So here I am. I was born to create! I can’t deny this. No, I do not have a traditional job. I am a caregiver for my daughter who is disabled. This is a gift.
I still don’t understand those people who tell me not to trust myself. Because as I have stepped out more and more I find myself walking down a path. I am not sure where it is leading. But my hope and dream is that it will lead me to personal peace, security, and joy!