How can I speak from my own experiences? I want to find the words to help you understand. You’re not alone in your thoughts. And the world is not black-and-white.
In my experience crazy is the worst kind of shame. When you have issues in your mind people take five steps away from you. Wow, she’s really messed up. It sucks for her. Or I’m glad I’m not her.
To those who’ve said or thought this, these judgements only add to ones shame.
Shame does not bring healing. Judgment does not bring Healing. What brings healing is tears, love, and compassion. When you can share how you really feel without being told you’re wrong, you’re bad, or don’t feel that way.
People don’t want to talk about suicide. Because they’re ashamed and or they judge the people that do that. But I think we need to talk about this.
I think we need to talk about this with love and compassion.
I was thinking about my grandmother Grace today. I was thinking about how much I loved her. But I never met her and I didn’t know her.
I used to pray for her when I was a little girl. I just didn’t know she wasn’t alive.
You see the shameful secret that nobody wants to talk about was that she killed herself when my father was about nine years old.
I don’t know why, but I don’t judge her. I love her and I miss her.
In my heart I have compassion for her. What was she thinking? How did she feel? Was she all bottled up inside like me?
Did she have no one she could talk to?
I would’ve talk to her. I would’ve counseled her. I would’ve wrapped my loving arms around her and sat with her in her pain.
What is so wrong about emotional pain? Why do we have to hide? Why do we have to smile and pretend were okay when we’re not?
Why do we always have to be polite? You know when people say, “How are you doing today?” and you say, “I’m fine.”
What would you do if someone said, “I’m not okay.” Would you take the time to listen? If you ask somebody, “Are you okay?” I hope you’re telling the truth. I hope you want to know that answer to that question.
I hope you take the time to listen. And I hope I do too!!!
Because believe it or not inside every adult is a wounded little child. You may think this is hokey and stupid, but it’s not.
In fact, the people that are in the most denial are the ones who think this is stupid and brush it off.
My confession is that I am good at being honest in my writing. I have a hard time being honest face-to-face. Because I’m afraid of the judgment. I’m afraid of the criticism. And I’m afraid of the rejection.
I am in charge of my own healing and so are you. But I suppose every once in a while we need help. We need to ask for help. We need to receive help. And then we can give help.
You’re not alone. You may feel alone. There are some people who understand. And you should not waste your time on those who judge you and want to give you a quick fix or cliche.
Find people who understand. Find people who love and accept you. Look for them. Don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up!!!
And don’t be ashamed. Don’t be ashamed to let your emotions out. Don’t be ashamed like I have been. I have been very ashamed of my tears. I have been very ashamed to cry. But I needed to. I still do.
I thought crying was bad. I thought crying was weak. And I thought only good people have it all together.
Behind their smiles and pleasantries is hurt and pain. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.
If you are in pain that doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human. And that’s okay. And you’re okay!
My life matters. And so does yours. I have something to offer. And so do you.
I struggle with depression. And that’s okay. What are you struggling with?