Scary Alien Grasshopper Creature Drawn by Esther Bautista
You may use this graphic just give me attribution.

It is He who sits above the circle of the earth, And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers, Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in. 23He it is who reduces rulers to nothing, Who makes the judges of the earth meaningless.… Isaiah 40:22 & 23.

I am God’s little grasshopper.  See it says it in the Bible.  I am under the weather with a cold and strange rash on my chest. Ewe. Too much information! Yet my mind races and won’t shut up! So I will see if writing can calm me down so I can take a much needed nap!  I use to hate naps when I was a child. Now that I’m an “adult” I love them! Funny how things change as you get older!

MOTIVATION:

God has been constantly teaching that my motivation for doing anything really matters! It is the difference between rewards and burnt up works.  I want to do the right thing. I am dreadfully insecure. I am learning self-compassion!  I still do things for the wrong reasons and find I get mad at myself for that but that is NOT helpful!

God seems to want me to just be honest with myself and Him!  He seems to value my honesty a lot! So I have been trying to be very honest.  I don’t think He judges me.  I think when I feel judged that maybe it’s me judging and scolding myself.  That doesn’t feel very good!  That is why I need self-compassion because I am NOT perfect and will continue to make mistakes until the cows come home or the return of Christ!

I have done my fair share of jumping on my case!  This is why I think I have been so depressed all these years.  It’s what I have been telling myself that has brought me down.  Our thoughts, don’t they travel faster than the speed of light?  I think that they do.  So many times they are so fast that we don’t even realize what we are thinking!

I was thinking the other day if I treat my friends the way I treated myself I wouldn’t have them!  I have been so incredible mean to myself.  It’s time to befriend myself.  Now to some of you that sounds a little hokey and you may make fun of me for this.

But it’s true that you must be friends with and love yourself before you can receive God’s love and love other people.  Hating yourself just doesn’t work! I know as I have a medal of honor in that! I have been a wounded warrior in the heat of battle.  I have been pretty wounded yet I keep getting up.

I told God that I think I deserve of purple heart for fighting while wounded.  I haven’t heard His reply to that.  I talk to Him often, but I have learned that I NEED to also LISTEN TO HIM and not just flap my lips all the time.

This is probably weird for some observers of me because in person I am so shy, but online I talk TOO much!  Only when I really get to know and TRUST people do I start to let my guard down and come out of my shell.

I’m not sure why.  Maybe this is my codependency from childhood.  I’m not sure.  But at least I am growing!  The Good Master says that I am learning and I have passed at least one test with a 80-90 percent which is really good!  I am proud of that.  Finally!!!  It has been really hard these life lessons / tests that He gives us!

Well, I guess that is all for now.  I’m tired.  Toodles,

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