God has been showing me my pride.

Photo & Mixed Media Painting by Esther Bautista

I am face to face with myself.  God is showing me how proud I have been.  I don’t like it.  But I embrace it.  I embrace the fact that I need to be taught humility by His correction.  It doesn’t feel like love sometimes when it hurts.  But later on I see what He has been doing all along.

It’s very hard to take correction and not feel all bad about yourself.  Well, I will just speak for myself.  I have a hard time taking correction and not feeling bad.  But I am overly sensitive!  But if you believe that God loves you with an everlasting love then you trust Him and submit and say, “Okay, Lord, I was wrong.  I will submit to your authority in my life.”  Rather than being offended that He he is trying to “correct” me.  It’s not because we are “bad”.  It’s because our behavior need to change!!!

I see how selfish and self-centered I have been.  I see how I keep talking about myself and frankly that is embarrasing!  But it’s the truth.  Yes, I am a recovering codependent so trying to be humble is difficult because it seems like I am being humble, but I have not been.  Underneath I keep trying to please people so they will like and “approve” of me so I will feel good about myself.  What a sick circle.  All I say is God forgive me!  I hope that I can do things for a Godly reason and not this codependent selfish reason.  I forgive myself…and I will try again by the grace of God.

These are themes in my life lessons that God is showing me.  He wants me to change and grow.  I have been.  I will.  I want to grow and change so I can help other people rather than keep talking about myself and my depression and my feelings.  Unless that helps other people…

Maybe in order to be good at disciplining my children or those under me…I need to be good at receiving discipline?  I probably should have learned this already but, I am a very slow learner!

The point is I am learning and to learn we need to be taught and to be taught we need humility.


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