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Esther Bautista Designs

The Artist Within.

The touch, the feel of cotton…

I never knew how cotton naturally grew. Now I know.  Cotton Stems are all over the internet!

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I love cotton. It looks so pretty in its natural state. In my old age, I find that I prefer cotton fabrics over synthetics. It’s so much more absorbent.

Granted that I haven’t been much in a creative mood.  (Been a little down lately) But I guess us creatives need to push ourselves to create even when we don’t “feel” like it.

It’s so funny, strange, ironic that in this modern age we don’t actually know how organic things grow. But my confession is that I don’t have a green thumb. I once bought plants to impress my boyfriend. They died. I am a plant killer. It’s true. Rest in peace little green guys. Rest in peace.

Oh, back to the point… what is the point? IDK. Oh, I like cotton. And I think cotton stems are pretty. And I know that my blog is disjointed, distracted, emotional, and weird. Kind of like me…toodles.

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Cotton In A Tree By Atikur.khokon (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
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Who Are You; Personality / Temperament Designations.

In my obsession with personality and temperament I have found the following tests:

The standard psychological Myers-Briggs personality testtake here for free…no it’s really free!

I just learned about “The Big Five” from Lewis Goldberg.  Take here for free.

The Four Temperaments – I remember my mother mentioning years ago.  Take the test here for free. 

Also read this book: “The Four Temperaments” by Randy Rolfe

Other aspects of who you are could be your high sensitivity (or not) read: “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine N. Aron

And then are you on the spectrum?  Here is another test to take: Autism & Asperger’s Quiz.

How about Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD)? Take test here.

*What does it all mean? You are a unique individual. Even though you may fit into a category, label, or box does not mean that is the total sum of who you are! You are fabulous, marvelous, and unique. This information is merely a means to get to know who you are and what makes you tick! Take it with a grain of salt.

Creative Interlude.

My Trouble With Math & Existential Crisis

Creative Interlude.

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My Fake Mondrian inspired by “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” Kimmy Goes To A Hotel.

The Trouble With Words.

I have noticed a huge problem with my communication and how I relate to the world recently. One of the issues is that when I attempt to communicate how I feel it does not mean that those to whom I am speaking with understand what I am saying. I use to get quite offended and defensive about this and then spiral into feelings of shame and depression.

I have identified myself as a late-bloomer. And I see that some people associate that with burgeoning puberty or attractiveness. But that was never what I meant by the word.  This is my definition of being a late-bloomer as written by dictionary.com.

noun

To me this has been a process of figuring out who I am rather than who people told me I was.  One of the difficult things for me is that I am not very good at face-to-face meetings especially with people I don’t know well. My verbal skills are shaky at best. I am much more comfortable expressing myself through writing. And a lot of people don’t understand that.

As the world seems to me predominately composed of extroverts (“Researchers estimate extroverts make up 50 – 74 percent of the population.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thrive/201205/are-extroverts-happier-introverts)

I have often struggled with feeling greatly misunderstood, isolated, and alone.

Sometimes when meeting extroverts, I feel wrong because I get the vibe that I am suppose to be like them.  Especially when they stare at me and say: “Why don’t you talk?”

The truth is I do talk.  But I don’t do public speaking very well.  I want to have time to think about and process what it is I am going to say.  And in this fast paced society, I guess ain’t nobody got time for that!

In addition, I think the only reason I would give a speech is to jump through the hoops of the education system which requires speech for a higher degree.  I will drag my feet kicking and screaming on this because I do not like speech. And furthermore I feel there are already plenty of people yapping their yap in this world and people don’t need to hear from me adding to noise pollution.

I have often systematically set my life up to avoid having to talk in public.  I guess some would say immersion therapy would cure my ills, but what if I don’t want to be cured? As a mom and caregiver…I see no need to speak in public.  Until I learn otherwise we will just leave it at that. 🙂

Happy Birthday Son!

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Happy Birthday to my wonderful Son who turned 16 years old today!

My little graduate.

Bethany 8th grade graduation
Congratulations  Bethany!

Recommended books on Spiritual Abuse

Healing with God:

 

Looks good but have not read yet:

 

Healing:

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http://www.spiritualabuse.com

Creative Interlude.

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Stepford wife.
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My First Winery!
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Dude on Right is businessman!
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Glamour Shot Movie Stars!
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My Babies on Mother’s Day 2017!

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