I have noticed a huge problem with my communication and how I relate to the world recently. One of the issues is that when I attempt to communicate how I feel it does not mean that those to whom I am speaking with understand what I am saying. I use to get quite offended and defensive about this and then spiral into feelings of shame and depression.
I have identified myself as a late-bloomer. And I see that some people associate that with burgeoning puberty or attractiveness. But that was never what I meant by the word. This is my definition of being a late-bloomer as written by dictionary.com.
To me this has been a process of figuring out who I am rather than who people told me I was. One of the difficult things for me is that I am not very good at face-to-face meetings especially with people I don’t know well. My verbal skills are shaky at best. I am much more comfortable expressing myself through writing. And a lot of people don’t understand that.
As the world seems to me predominately composed of extroverts (“Researchers estimate extroverts make up 50 – 74 percent of the population.”
I have often struggled with feeling greatly misunderstood, isolated, and alone.
Sometimes when meeting extroverts, I feel wrong because I get the vibe that I am suppose to be like them. Especially when they stare at me and say: “Why don’t you talk?”
The truth is I do talk. But I don’t do public speaking very well. I want to have time to think about and process what it is I am going to say. And in this fast paced society, I guess ain’t nobody got time for that!
In addition, I think the only reason I would give a speech is to jump through the hoops of the education system which requires speech for a higher degree. I will drag my feet kicking and screaming on this because I do not like speech. And furthermore I feel there are already plenty of people yapping their yap in this world and people don’t need to hear from me adding to noise pollution.
I have often systematically set my life up to avoid having to talk in public. I guess some would say immersion therapy would cure my ills, but what if I don’t want to be cured? As a mom and caregiver…I see no need to speak in public. Until I learn otherwise we will just leave it at that. 🙂